Life, Updates

A Year of Self Discovery

2020 was not what anyone expected. But, in a lot of ways, the time I spent assessing myself, addressing my emotions, and curating my interactions really determined how my year went in the long run. My personal endeavors were more successful than ever before because, quite honestly, there was nothing else to do. I mean, there was watching Netflix, which I did a lot of don’t get me wrong.

Of course, the past year left me wanting so much more in my life. I miss coffee shops and even normal wandering grocery store visits. I miss spontaneous meetings with friends and family. Moreso, I miss the fact that I couldn’t properly mourn a family loss WITH my family. The past year was hard! I’m sure there were others with it way worse and I’m so grateful for the people and reasons that I am able to complain only about such trivial things.

So what can be taken away from all of the hardships? Lessons. There are always lessons.

I’ve learned more about myself in the past year than I have since ending school years ago. I learned about how I work both on my personal projects and my 9-5 duties, how I communicate my emotions or…don’t, how I grieve the loss of normality and people I love which show up very differently, and how I thrive despite it all when I have the support and comfort.

When I look forward, I don’t know what to expect anymore. Part of me is okay with that, the other part is terrified it means I have no future to plan. However, I will always be the planning type. I plant gardens with full hope that I’ll be there in the spring to see the flowers bloom.

My 2020 was supposed to be about “accountability” to myself and to my projects. In a lot of ways I accomplished what I set out to do. I wrote more, I cooked more, I read A LOT more, and I was even more mindful. I wasn’t any less sociable, though there were some cancellations that certainly opened up my calendar for me. I’d say I had the same amount of time as last year. I simply made the space for myself to grow.

2021

In 2021, I hope to continue my own trends. I want to stay mindful of what I do with my time and my energies. I have stories in me that are begging to be written down, and I have books on my shelves that call to me daily to be read. 2021 will be about nourishing my writing self. I have two drafts in various phases from 2020. If writing is to truly be my profession, my “art,” I want to make it as routine as it began to be over the summer.

I hope you will join me in my very irregular posts about my process, my reading, and anything else that comes to mind.

We’ve made it this far. Keep going and keep growing!

Rachel

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