It could be Executive Dysfunction from my undiagnosed, but heavily suspected, ADHD, but I have been unable to focus on anything that isn’t shiny and new for months now…maybe even years?! It’s been especially bad recently.
I’ve been struggling to do much of anything. A lot of people would say it’s because I was focused on planning a wedding and then burnt out from planning said wedding. But, that was also kind of a problem. I was SO focused on wedding planning that I really didn’t care to do anything else. I could do the day-to-day tasks and things with immediate deadlines or pressure to be complete. But as for the things that were up to me, I literally could not get myself to do them.
One major issue for me is that I constantly have the option of scrolling on social media platforms. Now, part of my 8-5 job is social media so I need to be on there at least a little bit, but that doesn’t mean I need to be on my personal accounts as much as I am. I find myself scrolling…and scrolling…and scrolling. Sometimes I don’t think I’m even taking in what I’m seeing, but it’s something to do and an easy source of dopamine and entertainment. My brain now craves constant stimulation, but only the kind that doesn’t involve active thinking.
If you were to look at my phone, you’d be confused. I only average about an hour and a half a day looking/using my phone. But that’s the kicker. I don’t really sit on my PHONE so much as on my computer. The same stuff is accessible on the bigger screen.
Now, I do have an app that blocks me from using Instagram after 10pm or after 1 hour of use (whichever comes first). But even before that, my biggest numbers were usually on weekends because I could just sit and scroll through Reels for HOURS.
I have things I want to do! But…I just can’t get myself to do them!
The other piece of this is that my brain is screaming for a break, but there’s not much room to take one other than sacrificing things I actually enjoy (i.e. writing for fun). Then again…even that feels like a struggle rather than fun now. Burn out. The things that are supposed to be fun for me no longer are because I have to pretty much force myself to do them. I can’t take away the very real responsibilities I have in order to “take a real break” because you only get so much time to do that with a full-time job.
So instead, I’ve read SO many fluffy romance novels this year to avoid having to think about anything else. I put down 25k words in a “for fun” writing spree of a project because it scratched an itch for novelty. The biggest distractor though has been social media; Instagram and Facebook specifically.
All of this to say, I’m going to log out of my personal accounts on Instagram and Facebook starting after Christmas/holiday time. My brain needs a break from everyone else’s highlight reel and the doom and gloom that seems heavily prevalent. I need my attention span back!
Social media is a wonderful thing for many reasons, but it should serve as a tool, not a crutch. It’s supposed to be about sharing what you are doing…not become the only thing you do. Even as I write this, in the moments where I need to stop and think what to say next…I find myself opening Instagram to scroll for a bit to “think”…what?! That’s not thinking, Rachel!!! Stop that! Bad!
So, yeah. I’m dealing with some borderline addiction qualities to these apps and I hate it. It’s a really bad habit almost becoming a reflex to avoid deep thought. Ugh!
For 2025, I want to be on social media less and focus on the things I love to do more. If you’re looking for where to find me during that time…you’re seeing it. I’ll still be blogging and sending out Substacks. I’ll be around, just hopefully not as constantly.
Happy Thinking!
Rachel
Subtle Stories 