I’m really puttering out on these last few weeks. As much as I’m “not doing” these tasks and such, I am getting a ton of insight into myself. I’ve learned a lot about what my fears are, where they come from, and what my dreams actually are. I haven’t really found any concrete steps to take to combat that, but I suppose the first step is to know what’s going on. I think, ideally, these tasks and insights would lead me to take action. But, I don’t have a set schedule, I’m not creating any more or less than I was previously.
However, I do feel like I’m getting my inspiration back. I’ve found random snippets of lines coming to mind again (if I get them down fast enough before I forget them is another issue). I’ve had more ideas lately for scenes, themes, characters, conflicts, and even just general art projects. My big issue now is that I’m not PURSUING any of those. I’m getting the ideas but not putting in the work. I’d love to label this as laziness, but I’ve learned that if you WANT to do something, but just AREN’T….that’s not laziness…that’s a block. Laziness would be avoiding something you don’t want to do in favor of something “more fun.” I’m not having more fun…I’m just avoiding the work because I’m scared.
We so often jump right to shame when we don’t do something we enjoy. “I love writing, but I just don’t do it enough.” Instead it should be, “I love writing, I want to do more of it.” Or…”I love drawing, but I don’t do it enough” becomes “I love drawing and I want to give myself more time to do it.”
This week we focus on our artistic autonomy. We examine the ongoing ways in which we must nurture and accept ourselves as artists. We explore the behaviors that can strengthen our spiritual base, and therefore our creative power. We take a special look at the ways in which success must be handled in order that we do not sabotage our freedom.
To be a creative is to take risks. Afterall, the biggest risk for many people is to waste precious time on something. Writing a book can (and usually does) take YEARS. Those are hours each day that you will never get back if this were to fail. But, the time will pass anyways, and the process of writing the book is what changes us, not the finished product.
You may read a book that changes your perspective on things. You may read a book that becomes your comfort place to rest and relax, going back to it again and again. But you will never spend more time reading a book than an author did writing it. That process, no matter how much or little the author may have felt it, was a transformative process. It is years of getting deep thoughts and feelings onto the page, sometimes exploring the darkest or most secretive parts of our mind and sharing them on the page.
You may be tempted to think of the most ridiculous book you’ve ever read and think…how could that have been “transformative” for the author when it’s so horribly written or so surface level. For one, it takes discipline to see ANY project to completion. It takes a long time to write hundreds of pages, even if it was done in a short number of days…it still takes MANY hours. Whether you split 30 hours into 90 days, 30 days, or a straight 30 hours…it’s still the same amount of time.
Acceptance and Success
I was raised to have a strong appreciation for time and money, which has translated into a strong work ethic and being conscientious with my money. Wasting time or money has therefore become a huge fear for me. But the catch is that I feel like I’m wasting time by NOT writing, just as much as I’m scared of wasting time BY writing. The truth is that creating is never a waste of time or money as long as the process has been enjoyable or good for us in some way. Sure, we can’t toss out all responsibility, but we can indulge a bit to make ourselves happier when we can.
Baucher died a pauper. If making a living at it was the measure of the true artist, not only Baucher, but Gauguin, Van Gogh, Herman Melville, and Michaelangelo were all charlatans.
For the longest time, I designated creative success to being able to do it as a main source of income. To live a completely creative life, by making money off of my creative pursuits, is to accept an erratic cash flow. That’s not something I’m comfortable with, and that’s okay. But, I need to adjust my expectations of my creativity, and of what success looks like. It’s no longer “I’ll be successful when I can live off my writing projects,” which is how I thought of success for a long time. So what is my definition of success for my creative life?
Part of me will never be able to give up that goal of “living comfortably from my creative pursuits.” But, I need another definition of success, especially since that one is so terrifying to me. So I’ve been playing around with some others:
- I will see my creative life as successful when my work is somebody’s comfort.
- I will see my creative life as successful when my work receives awards or wins contests.
- I will see my creative life as successful when I gain consistent readers.
- I will see my creative life as successful when I am excited to work on my projects.
Your self-respect comes from doing the work, not from measuring it against others or how much money it brings.
Income is irrelevant to art. And so, I must teach myself that that is not the only measure of success. The only success for a creative is to create…often.
If you are happier writing than not writing, painting than not painting, singing than not singing, acting than not acting, directing than not directing, for God’s sake let yourself do it.
I need to start letting myself create. JUST DO IT!
Movement
Julia talks about how important movement is for the creative mind. It reconnects us with our bodies and sometimes takes us out of our heads. Anyone who has taken a walk to “clear their heads” can probably attest to this. Walking meetings were hugely popular, and have been a “thing” since the philosophers who would often teach while walking.
Mindless exercise is even better. Walking, swimming, biking—repetitive movement allows your mind to wander while you’re also getting the satisfaction of moving. Bonus points for being out in nature when you’re moving. Movement/exercise does not need to be intense to be nourishing.
I haven’t started these tasks quite yet, but there are a few in the list that excite me a bit.
Tasks:
- Tape your voice reading the basic principles from week 2. Choose a favorite essay and tape that as well. Use these tapes for meditation.
- Write out the artist’s prayer long-hand. Carry it with you.
- Buy a special notebook. Number pages one through seven. List the following categories, one to a page: health, possessions, leisure, relationships, creativity, career, and spirituality. With no thought as to practicality list ten wishes in each area. This is a lot. Let yourself dream a little.
- Working with the honest changes section from week four inventory for yourself any changes you’ve felt as you’ve explored the artists way to-date.
- List five other ways that you will expect you’ll change as you continue to use the morning pages and artist’s dates over the coming years.
- List five ways that you will nurture yourself in the next six months. Courses you’ll take, supplies you’ll get, events you’ll see… vacations just for you.
- Take out a piece of paper. Plan a week in which each day has one nurturing event for yourself included in it. This means one loving, concrete action that you’ll do for yourself or have done for you every day this week. BINGE!
- Write and mail an encouraging letter to yourself. This sounds silly, but it feels good to receive. Remember: THE ARTIST IS A CHILD.
- Re-examine your concept of God, or of the Universal energy, or of life energy. Does your belief system support your creative expression? Can you open up to the possibility that the whole system supports you as a creative, passionate, alive human being?
- List 10 examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.
Happy Creating!
Rachel
Subtle Stories 