I want to share my writing. Desperately. I want other people to read my fiction to have the fun that I have when stories develop and scenes soar across my eyelids.
But, it’s a lot of pressure to put on myself for a group of people that, honestly, doesn’t exist yet. (Shout out to the 23 consistent readers and the 4 people who subscribed to my fiction Substack!)
You see, I have a lot of big dreams and bigger expectations about what sharing my writing looks like. I want to publish a book, publish serials, have a thriving blog, and write book reviews and analyses. But all of this is work and priorities must be made when I’m also working a standard 8-5 job, trying to get some movement in, and also socializing with friends.
There’s a lot going on! To be honest, most of my free time is spent recovering from everything that goes on during my week.
And yet, I’m expecting myself to somehow, without any additional effort, not only start but complete and successfully manage ALL of the projects in my brain. No, no, I’m not focusing on just one thing. I want it all…at once…
Rachel…no…that’s too much.
The problem is, I’ve started working on these creative things with the idea in my mind that they are for someone else, not me. I’ve lost the whole concept of creating as my form of self-care. Because, if I was creating just for me, it would be totally fine to jump around from thing to thing. Nobody would know or care if I started a new thing or stopped working on a long-standing thing in favor of a new joy.
I am creating to share. And the very thought of sharing stalls the process because I overthink everything about it instead of just playing around. As has been a theme in my life, I expect myself to know exactly how to do something in the best way possible and see the finalized result immediately instead of through trial and error and drafts upon drafts.
So, I’m putting the blinders on.
I’m taking a break from sharing. I’m taking a break from creating to share. I am taking a break from Substack as well to put those blinders on fully. I’m super jealous of all the amazing things people have going on, even if it’s just smoke and mirrors. So, I’m taking a step back to refocus on my own joy in creating.
I am going back to working on my novel just because I WANT TO FINISH MY NOVEL! Not because I expect it to have a huge readership. Not even because I want my friends to read it! I have 10 chapters left to edit and it driving me insane that this isn’t finished after 2 years of sitting on this developmental edit.
This is my re-dedication to writing for myself FIRST.
I will not be sharing ANYTHING about my writing for a month. No new projects announced or changed or whatever. No. You will not hear about it. I’ve said before that I share too fast. I launched my space for my serials before they were even finished because I never seem to learn this lesson.
I can now fully admit that I’ve just been jealous of everybody else who has something to share. I want to share too! But most successful creators are sharing AFTER THE PROJECT IS DONE! Or at least…that’s what it seems like. For example, lots of indie writers don’t announce their books until there’s a set release date that has been decided because of other things already underway (covers, edits, formatting, etc).
So…I’m shutting up and getting back to work. For me.
See you all soon!
Rachel
Subtle Stories 