Writing is the only thing I seem to be able to do with any sort of consistency right now. Since I’m going through a personal winter of sorts – a dormant time in my life where starting new projects or routines is near impossible – it’s nice to be able to focus on something that’s already well underway. The absolute hardest part, for me, during this particular winter is to give myself the grace to not meet my own expectations.
I am 100% my biggest critic. Obviously, seeing as my Internal Critic is obnoxiously loud and sounds like Red Forman from That 70s Show. So, when I’m at a particularly low point while wintering it can feel like I’m sitting at a kitchen table with my Critic as it berates me for some simple thing.
Recently, it’s been in response to my desire to seek a form of movement (i.e. exercise but that word makes me burrow further) that I actually want to do routinely to get my mental health back to a state of…well…neutrality rather than the vicious flip-flopping. The Critic has decided my inability to do so is because I am lazy. The real reason is of course a far deeper issue that we don’t need to go into revolving around body image, feeling the need to exercise to conform, and the little rebel voice in me that despises that idea.
It’s hard to remember that I am not in a season mentally to START, I am in a season to survive and carry-on. When the Spring comes and I feel more comfortable, confident, and warmed to the idea of the new, that is when it will be time to start. Who knows if that will be when the weather outside shifts or just the weather in my mind. Both are fickle right about now.
What does this all have to do with writing?
Well, I can seek comfort in the fact that I can be consistent with at least my writing. I will hold on to the knowledge that I CAN be consistent. That I CAN hold a schedule. That I CAN make new routines to make small, but meaningful progress. I have the patience required to make small, but meaningful progress!
For now, I’m going to cozy up in my writing den until Spring comes.
Is anyone else dealing with a winter in their life? Does anybody else find the New Year a very inconvenient time to start new things?