I’ve been having some trouble lately letting myself dream big. I’ve got a lot of “aspirations” around writing and books, but I’m so scared to go after them because of money-related reasons. I think it comes from many different things, but the one that is very clear to me is that I’m terrified of putting loads of effort into something with little “value.” But…what is the value in creative pursuits?! Is it even right to discern the value of creating in a monetary way? (I don’t think so, but then why does my inner critic think that way?)
You can see how this topic could quickly weigh down the creative process.
So what do you want to do that feels scary, Rachel?
Many things!
I want to self-publish some of my finished work. I want to get my latest novel professionally edited and sent out to agents. I want to start writing book reviews. I want to get into live streaming for productivity/writing sprints. I want to get to a point where I can work just part-time and have my creative writing help with the rest of the income (or even all of it but that sounds SUPER scary and hard). I want to open a bookshop focusing on indies, independent artists, coffee, and plants. (super weird to write that one out)
So much! Some of them are scarier than others. Some of them have no monetary cost and others have huge potential monetary repercussions.
I think a lot of this is scary because I don’t know how to do them, don’t know anybody who does them, or really because I fear rejection to a stupid degree. Honestly, I’m just terrified of finances and taxes… But, writing and creating have rejection kind of built into the process. I should be good at this by now, but I’m really not.
What now?
Well…if I don’t start toward any of those goals I’ll be in the same place I was…so that’s not horrifying. What’s horrifying is the idea of succeeding and learning to live a different kind of life.
So, I’ll start with the small wins and go from there. And, maybe do some research about some of the others 😉
Happy creating!
Rachel
Subtle Stories 